Mamahood Stories~A Waiting Mama

Welcome to the Mamahood Stories guest blogger series!!  I have asked several special mamas to write posts for this series and I really believe they are going to encourage you and build you up!  My wish is that as you read these posts leading up to Mother’s Day, you are encouraged and exhorted to love on other mamas, waiting mamas, and women longing to be mamas!

Today’s post comes from Marissa Mundell!  Marissa currently lives in Budapest with her husband of 17 years and 4 wonderful kids. She has lived on 3 continents over the years and has seen God grow her heart for orphans in each new place. She homeschools, loves being outside, and enjoys running! She is passionate about helping others consider adoption. If you want to connect or talk with someone about your journey, please feel free to email her at Marissanduriah@gmail.com.  Marissa and I became connected because of our mutual heart for adoption!  I am so excited for her and her family as they are waiting for their next kiddo through adoption here in Hungary!

Waiting is HARD, really hard…

 The last two years our family has been on a journey. A long, unexpected, emotional journey of waiting upon the Lord. Perhaps, you too have been waiting for the Lord. Waiting for Him to act, for something to start, for something to end, for something to change. It seems that our lives, especially in motherhood, are full of waiting.

Two years ago, I clearly heard what I felt was God leading us back down the road of adoption. It was a clear call, so it was easy to move in faith down the road of adoption. Our initial inclination was to adopt through the same agency and country we adopted our fourth child. It seemed logical. We knew the process, the people, the cost. We have walked this road before and we can walk it again. However, several steps down the road, we realized how complicated it was now that we were living in Hungary rather than in China. Just to get someone to come do our home study (one of the first big hurdles in the adoption process) was going to be an extra $5000. Simply because a certified social worker had to be flown in from a different country. As we began to wrestle with the extra costs, knowing that God provided for our first adoption, we also faced the reality that this was now not the same road we had traveled two years earlier and many other costs and complications began to emerge. God surprised us!

We found ourselves pregnant! Surprise! Shocked! Confused! “Oh!” I thought to myself, “You Lord, were just readying my heart for a new addition and you decided to bless us with another biological child.” Just as we began to wrap our hearts and heads around this miracle and looking forward with joy and dreaming what this meant for our family, we miscarried. Our first ultrasound revealed a beautiful 9 week old without a heartbeat. Devastated… Even more confused and a new layer of grief. “Lord, what do you want me to do?”

Several weeks after our miscarriage, I found myself in another conversation about adoption with a friend. I felt that all the roads to another child were closed. Adoption from China, closed. A biological child, closed. Was I confused about what God wanted us to do? Did I somehow miss the message? In some ways I could really relate to Abraham and Sarah. They were given the promise of a child and faced many impossibilities. And it was years before Isaac was born. At the same time, God says to Abram go to this land I will show you. By faith, he obeyed, not knowing where he was supposed to go. During this conversation, I was challenged to consider adopting locally through Hungary.

So by faith, we started investigating the adoption process as foreigners. There is no information on the internet. It is not a clear cut path. We have been obediently completing the next step as it comes. We are the first foreigners in our county to adopt this way, after a law change 4 years ago. So in may ways, it has been a new uncharted process. We have been blessed by the process, as it has been virtually “free” and uncomplicated. Similar to our adoption process in China, but a little bit more unclear as there is no checklist, no time frame, no clear communication. So, this is when the waiting has been even more magnified. We are now waiting to be matched with the child that God has for us. This is hard. It has been long two years, full of grief, loss and confusion.

“I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God.” (Psalm 69:3)  There are days and moments when I am done, tired, and think God has called me to take steps of faith without seeing the promise fulfilled. I don’t understand the last two years or why God has called me on this journey. Yes, I can see how it has changed me, grown me closer to the Lord, and enabled me to have deeper compassion and empathy for those that have lost children. in my own understanding, I struggle with how the plan is unfolding.

That is until I turn my eyes upon Jesus. Proverbs 8:34-35 states, ” Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting beside my doors. For whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord.”  Those are words that are a salve to my weary heart. In my waiting for Him, I find Him and I obtain favor from Him. That is the true treasure. So, as Noah waited for rain, as Job waited for restoration, as Rachel waited for a son, as Simeon waited for his Savior and my Savior waits to put His enemies under his footstool, I too shall wait. My only hope in the waiting is explained so well in the book of Jude. When it gets tough and hopeless we must, “keep [our]selves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life.”  We must be brought back to the truth of the cross. The truth that God is sovereign, full of love and completely merciful. I will wait upon the Lord. Yes, I will wait upon Him who is able, who knows the perfect child, the perfect time and holds the perfect plan.

Stay tuned for more Mamahood Stories!  If you missed the first one go give it a read!  I am really excited to share all these lovely stories with you!